Let the Little Children Come to Me

Fr. Solomon Longo · November 4, 2026 · reflection

Glory to Jesus Christ. Glory forever.

I want to speak to a topic dear to everyone’s hearts. Our parish has grown, especially in young people and also in very very young people. And I wanted to give some encouragement and direction to the parents of those very very young parishioners in our parish.

In the narthex, we have an icon of the little children coming to Christ. As He said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

The Orthodox Church has, uniquely, kept the tradition of giving communion to children and infants. As all Israel went through the Red Sea and all ate the manna, so the children of our Church are traveling beside us in the Faith, partaking in the holy sacraments.

It is our goal for our children to grow up with the faith as a non-negotiable part of their life, and, more than that, as a deeply felt and anchoring aspect of who they are. We want them to never take the faith for granted, but to feel that it colors every part of their experience.

To that end, we want our children to be in church regularly, and we want to see them being led by their parents in appreciating the teaching of Christ and the divine liturgy in which we worship Him, with the Father, and the Holy Spirit.

This means parents have a hill to climb. Liturgy stretches attention spans (of children and of adults). That means that kids will occasionally want to move around. And almost every parent has experienced how smaller children don’t know when they are whispering and when they are loud. Occasional outbursts are unavoidable for almost any child.

I remember that, before becoming a priest, Matushka Anna and I sometimes did not know how our priest felt about our kids' volume. How were we doing? Were we seen as a problem?

We had been given that impression when we were asked to spend most of the services outside at our last Protestant church. What was our goal supposed to be? We appreciated his balanced words. He told us, “When kids are having an especially hard time, take them out, but bring them back quickly.” Nobody had ever told us that second part about bringing them back in quickly. In fact, sometimes we had gotten the sense that there wasn’t much interest in us bringing them in in the first place.

Children, like all of us, are shaped over years. The Church has perhaps 2 hours a week as it is in which to form a child. If they’re actually not in half of the service, or if the portion they are in is not oriented toward becoming aware and involved, then that time shrinks, and one of the most fundamental parts of their lives begins to have a vanishingly small percentage of their week in which to influence them.

Of course, there would be no need to give this encouragement if the reality of children in church was always smooth and easy. In fact, parents stress very much about their kids’ noise or movement, and other adults are also distracted when things get out of hand.

How can we cause the service to be calmer while also prioritizing the presence of the smallest members and helping parents?

Here are a few principles:

Don’t Train Disengagement. This means, for example, not having too many toys. Devices and toys often mean that a child will not be reading the room to notice the attentiveness of others. They also will have less chance to notice and learn little bits of the Church experience. We’ve noticed that less toys helps.

Don’t Accidentally Reward Bad Behavior. If children feel that a tantrum grants them control of the family, and lets them determine when they go outside or into the hall, they may engage in more tantrums. Especially this is true if they get to have fun activities when taking breaks outside the service. Undesirable behavior should not result in doing something more exciting away from the service. Note: If you see a parent is not taking their kid out, it may be that they are trying to ride through what they hope will be a 30 second problem so that the child doesn’t feel rewarded for the outburst with a trip outside. These moments can sometimes become milestones.

Take Only Small and/or Scheduled Breaks. This follows from the last point. While we want kids to learn the great gift of stilling the waves of feelings, this takes time, and even the most behaved child sometimes feels very upset, scrapes their knee, bumps their head, or has a surge of energy. It is ok to take them out for a few minutes in this case. But, as our priest in Fairbanks said, “bring them back quickly.” If a child is consistently going out many times per service, or for long spans of time, they aren’t adjusting. Keep behavior breaks short and peaceful. You may also find that a pre-planned and scheduled break gives the children a helpful change mid-service while also keeping the reins in your hands instead of theirs.

Make Sure They Can See. We talk often about the Church involving all the senses. Make sure their senses are not missing too much. It is helpful to have a “home row.” Your child knows that they go here after they venerate the icons, and your bags stay here during the service. You can go to the back if there’s trouble, but, even in an effort to grant others a quieter front space, too much time in the back is not helpful. Ultimately, behavior improves after a time of being more enveloped in the prayers and acts of Liturgy.

Mark the Moments of the Service. This can be done with pointing out certain key moments, and you can also mark the service with the senses. Kids grab on to actions. Teach them to bow as the priest comes past your row at the 6th hour censing, and to bow when the priest censes in their direction during the Epistle reading and Great Entrance. Use the lighting of a candle for a family member to mark the starting Litany of Peace or the Augmented Litany after the Homily. There are many times to make the sign of the cross, but start with a few meaningful times (Blessed is the Kingdom, at the beginning, 3x at the Trisagion, and when the priest brings the chalice out). Pick a time of the service (Other than the Great Entrance, Gospel, or Sanctification of the Gifts) when you can go on an icon walk, and say short prayers in front of various icons.

Work on a Mental Map of the Liturgy. I can’t tell you how many times a 5-8 year old child has asked me where we were in the service (sometimes this comes out as “how much longer?”) And I would tell them, “you’ll have to learn to tell that for yourself.” Try teaching them just a few milestone moments of the service.

Level 1 (Motion Oriented): Little Entrance with Gospel, Gospel Reading, Great Entrance, and many 3 year olds can recognize the moments before communion already.

Level 2 (Verbal): Add the Trisagion (Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal; this also has three crosses and bows to take part in), the Creed, and the Our Father.

Your child now has a sense of where they are in the service.

Leave Your Pride at the Door. Don’t react out of embarrassment. Kids need discipline and rules. They should feel as though the expectations are immovable, but not that we are being short tempered. The solemnity of the Liturgy is a mountain they may run into but not a stone dropped on them.

Train Sitting or Standing Still. When you pray at home, you can stop the prayers to give instruction and refocus the kids. You can expect them to get better at being still and quiet, at standing or kneeling for several minutes. Learning to quiet our bodies and minds is something we all continue to practice and it is a fundamental step in prayer. Children are getting a great gift by learning to quiet themselves in this way.

Patiently Pursue Perfection. There is a goal. Children should feel comfortable at Church. At the same time, it is not a playroom, and they have to sense the difference and grow toward attentive engagement at the height of what can be expected of them at their age. That is to say, we ask ourselves not, “how does a 2 year old act at church,” but “how could a 2 year old act in church.” We should try to balance patience with high expectations.

Don’t Give Up. Is there any part of a child growing up that is immediate? It will also take growing up for years in a family that loves the church and attends to God for them to also acquire that love and attention. You must raise your child in prayerful engagement in the life in Christ. Each service is a calling not only to pray but also to lead your child toward God. This demands creativity, discipline, patience, and strength. Don’t waiver. You are doing God’s works. Among the weightiest and holiest of acts is the raising of children.

To parishioners who do not currently have small children: What part can you play for the smallest members?

You can be a good example of attention and service. Don’t turn to look at a misbehaving child, unless it’s with a smile. Surprised concern at a sudden noise is one thing, gawking is another. I’ve been in churches where people stare frowning to make a point. Don’t do that. But be a helper and friendly face.

You can volunteer in the children’s classes. Observe classes and learn how to teach at a future date. Even to your own surprise, you may become an important part of these children’s future memories and understanding of the Church.

See if you can start a relationship with that family that lets you start taking pressure off the parent. Sometimes it does take a village to raise a child. If parents can’t catch a kid, help them if you can. With parents’ permission, take the kids on that icon walk. Be solutions oriented.

Sometimes you can help, sometimes you can’t help. Sit where you can hear. If parents move to the back with an upset child, you will be able to hear better if you are sitting further up to the front of the nave.

Pray for the parents and kids. Parenting is hard. Growing up is very hard. These parents are doing something most people would avoid. The Church is telling them to bring their children to God while also keeping them quiet without the use of duct tape. Help where you can, and forgive and bear with them.

In Conclusion: This life together in the Church is a joy, and a challenge, and a growing pain. All we can do is do our best and decide to trust that others are doing the same. May the Lord give us generations who know the good things of God, and may the crowns of that blessed victory be placed upon your heads.